Just a little wake up call

I believed the world was at my finger tips and if I wanted to change the world well shoot I could do it!

I went home from YWAM with a plan and a dream. Yes my plan was to go to hair school and yes many people thought it was weird but I just didn't care because I knew that I wanted to use hair dressing to reach out to people from all over the world and to help people realize their true selves. However after being home for a while the fire that went with my dream got lost in the midst of the day to day. I lost focus of why I was doing it, and was just focused on getting through school, then work then getting to sleep.

At moments I would think about what I'd originally planned to do, going into the nations and what I used to see as my possibilities, and quite honestly I would just begin to shut down. It was too hard to think about what I really wanted because I no longer saw it as a possibility, the world didn't seem to be at my fingertips anymore. It didn't change the fact that I wanted to GO, but I just couldn't figure out how to actually make it happen. I would get anxious and feel claustrophobic like I needed to get out of this place but I just couldn't.

I suppose I was having a faith and purpose crisis. 

The last couple weeks I've had some interesting encounters with people that I don't even really know, people who wanted to hear about what I had been doing in YWAM and what I was planning to do next. Usually when I give my answer people will just say oh that's so cool, good for you, etc. etc.

However, one particular couple took an extra interest in what I was saying and rather than just saying that's cool, they really took the time to speak to my dreams (even if I wasn't even sure I believed in them anymore).  It's been a while since I've had someone not just get excited about what I was doing, but to look me in the eyes and say "The Lord made you to do incredible things and He has amazing plans for your life." I'd just respond by saying yeah I know, but this person wouldn't relent. He must have said it two or three more times, and then he'd say "DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?" I of course said yes again, but in reality everything inside of me was like ummmm I kind of half believe that but I'm just not too sure. Whether or not I really believed it, I could feel those words of truth, renew something in me.

The next week, coffee with a friend just added to what was already lit inside of me. Sometimes you need someone to challenge you and not let you just sit idle and watch your life pass by. Maybe no inspiring words were spoken, but sometimes just remembering who you were when you had that passion is enough to kick you in the pants.

This morning was a rough one and I was having a 'what is my life and why do bad things happen' moment. Logically I decided that since everything felt so chaotic I would organize and clean, so in the process I came across an envelope full of letters and words of encouragement that I'd kept from my time in YWAM. I hadn't looked through any of them in about a year, so of course tears started rampaging out of my eyes as soon as I started reading through them! These letters were chalk full of TRUTH, encouragement, memories, challenges and revelations. Letters from my best friends speaking that same truth to my soul. Letters from the good times and the bad times, speaking to changes that have taken place and dreams that one day would take place! It's a weird feeling when you feel so desperate and then all of sudden you're flooded with hope and love.

Of course right after finding these letters I came across a taping from one of Philip's meetings. Speaking truth like we all know he does, he goes "OK Canada, you ready? You've been set apart, your destiny is to change a whole generation" Well shoot why don't you just punch me right in the stomach! A serious wake up call took place today!

All that to say, I been doing some serious stumbling and falling this last year, and Lord knows I've got a lot of work to do, but GAME ON! I don't have time to just sit around and do whatever, I'm gonna live this life I've been given, and I don't want to have regrets at the end of the day. I can not wait to embark on the crazy adventures before me! 

Closing out chapters and starting new ones!

So because I struggle with keeping my blog up to date, I'm going to do a quick recap of what's been going on over the last couple months!!

So I spent January and February in Thailand, it was an amazing and challenging time and I really learned so so much! We got back from Thailand on February 28, and spent the next week speaking at churches and debriefing outreach as well as reuniting with the team who went to Cambodia! The DTS graduated on March 9, it was a beautiful day of celebrating all that God did in and through each of the students, and we were all very proud to see them finish out! So we were left with a quiet house once again, but only for about a week because we started our spring DTS on March 17! It's an amazing school of 12 students who just want to grow closer to the Lord and they are such a great group! We are also about to start our WISE school in about a week, so it has been busy times of preparing and then starting schools, but it has been great!

Some of our new DTS students and I at our local soda shop! (Photo by Sarah King)

 It's definitely been a time of transition for me, as many of you know my commitment with YWAM Charlotte is up at the beginning of April, at that time I'm going to be moving back home to Calgary to follow the next thing the Lord has for me! Over the past couple of years the Lord has really done amazing healing in my heart and has specifically restored my view of myself, and also placed a passion on my heart to see that happen in others! I want to restore true beauty and worth by God's standards not the worlds! I don't know fully what that looks like, but I do feel the Lord has called me to get my training as a hair dresser and then use that to love people and pour truth into them! So I'm planning to work this summer and save up to go to school this fall to get trained up!

It is such an exciting and scary journey! You wouldn't think it would be scary to go home, but my life has totally changed since I left Calgary and I don't really know what to expect out of it all, but I do know God has called me! Not only is it crazy to go home, it's crazy to leave YWAM Charlotte, leave my second family and my incredible friends! Basically everything is changing and this kid is not the biggest fan of change, but I am holding onto God's faithfulness in all of it!

So obviously because I am leaving in a couple weeks, I'm not staffing either of the schools, but I am staying to help out wherever I can! This in itself has been a weird transition because I've always been staffing the schools that we've had. It's been great though because I have had time to just process my last couple of years here as well as spending time investing in relationships here!

Cassie and Hannah my amazing friends!

The Lord has really shown His faithfulness through the last few weeks, in a sense helping me tie up any lose ends! Repairing relationships, furthering relationships and helping me to finish in the best way possible! It has been challenging but also very rewarding and I realize more and more what an incredible place and incredible people I have surrounding me here!

I am going to miss this place more than I could ever express, but I am also so excited to continue on this journey that the Lord has for me! He is faithful and He is good. PRAISE!

Mountains, cool air and lots of smiles!

After a 10 hour bus ride north, I made it to Chiang Mai! (that makes it sound like I just got here, but really it's been over 2 weeks! my bad!)

What a beautiful city, soo different than the hustle and bustle of Bangkok! You can see the mountains from where I live and it's maybe 15 minutes to walk to the waterfall that's just up the road! My soul feels peaceful here, I love the calm of the city and the friendliness of people. And what makes me really really happy is the temperature and how it's not too humid! (since i started writing this it's gotten really hot and you just sweat all the time, so I take back the bit about the temperature!) Really it's so beautiful here!

While we're here in Chiang Mai, we are helping in another cool cafe, taking orders bringing water, all that good stuff, the cafe is called Wongen Kafe! Wongen is located across form the Chiangmai University campus, so they have a major focus of reaching out to the students who attend there. As a part of them reaching out,  Wongen hosts a game night and then an open mic night each week. This is a fun opportunity to bring students into the cafe, hang out with them, help them practice their English, and love them as Jesus would! So, once we're done our shifts at the cafe, we hop in a song tau and head across town to our slum ministry!

Song tau, this is our transportation around the city!

The slum ministry is so fun! it's literally located in the middle of a garbage field, and we put out a tarp for the kids to sit on, we get out some paper and crayons, along with some velcro ball and wait for kids to come! One at a time the kids will start to come over, usually it's one of the boys and they get into a game of velcro ball pretty quick! The kids just like to spend time, we'll blow up balloons, which they love to hit around or let go of before they're tied so they fly around. A lot of the kids will just come and sit in your lap or climb on your back, and just goof around! Really this ministry brings so much joy to my heart, I love to hang out with these kids and it's one of those things where you forget about the fact that you're in a garbage field and you don't care about lice and you don't care about the dirt and you just go for it! You definitely get put in situations that would normally make you squirm, one of the little girls was sitting in my lap eating a snow cone thing, she then decided to take a chunk of ice from her snow cone, and hold it against my face until it melted, that probably happened a good 4 times!

Aubon, one of the sweet girls from the slum, squishing snow cone against my face! 

Our last ministry is bar ministry, this time it's not just focused on ladyboys, but on the women and johns as well! The bar scene in Chiang Mai is so different from Bangkok, it seems way more low key and less in your face, but with that one of the things we've had to be careful of is not seeing it as less of a problem. It's still a major problem, it just has a different face on it in a sense, it blends in with normal life a lot more here! So when we go into the bars, we go in and just start conversation, they have pool tables set up as well as connect 4 and jenga to play with people who work there! Anna and I have been partners for going into the bars and we've gone into the same bar a couple times and bonded with a few of the girls who work there over jenga and connect 4! These girls don't speak much English so communication is hard, but we still feel it's important to go and hang out and love them and let them know we're they're to be their friends and not use them!

On a personal note, the Lord has really been doing so much in me here! I've been challenged everyday, not just by circumstances around me, but also the personal challenges God is giving me. In Bangkok the Lord was speaking to me of how in the midst of challenging circumstances to really press into Him and not rely on my own strength. I'll give you a peek into my journal of what God was speaking to me!
-WHOLENESS comes from God alone (Ezekiel 37:1-14: without His breath, we are just skin and bones, so don't try to do it alone)
-GO! go where I have sent you! (Trust, be still, peace, enjoy the way!)
-PEACE: Rest in Me! (Matthew 8:23-27: physical storms are calmed, so can the internal storms be calmed!)
-SELF CONTROL! (Proverbs 25:28: I don't want to be a city without it's walls up!)
-TAKE COMFORT IN ME! Rest in God, Weep in God, Let go in God, Take joy in God, Take hope in God, Be vulnerable with God, Raw. (In everything go to God, not just in the good but in the bad!)
-SELF DISCIPLINE (use your time well, personal time, team time, ministry time, be intentional)
-GO! (following where God is leading! Ruth 1:16-17)

So besides in my quiet times I was reading Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, which is basically a novel form of the book of Hosea in the Bible! This book not only helped me to have more of an understanding of the prostitutes we're working with, but also of God's love! Especially in the midst of challenging circumstances God really spoke to me of His love and how He never gives up on me! Even if I choose to run, He is still there for me, and He is forgiving! These are all things I've known but it was definitely time for a good reminder! So God definitely used Redeeming Love as a tool to speak to me and encourage me!

Since we've been in Chiang Mai I've been reading Proverbs a lot and finding the specific verse each day to really take with me throughout my day and my life!
WISDOM has really been a big theme in my quiet times! Proverbs 9:10 "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight." For me this is especially applicable to being in a place of leadership right now. I have to make decisions and figure out how to get everything to function best! I have to use wisdom, and really that means walking in obedience to what God is saying! Wisdom is all over Proverbs, and it talks of how responses to things and how you approach a situation can totally change the outcome of it, and so I'm really trying to be intentional in applying all the Lord is bringing up to me in my quiet times!

God has also been helping me face the things I've been trying not to. For example leaving YWAM Charlotte and going back home, starting up new relationships while keeping old ones, mourning people who are no longer here! I've tried to not think about these things because it was just too hard and seemed too overwhelming, but the Lord's been teaching me how to keep moving forward in the midst of it all! It may sounds small but it seems like a very BIG challenge to me! But God is faithful in walking me through it all!

So all that to say, the Lord has really been challenging me, I've been put in a new country, working with new ministry, I feel like something new comes up everyday where I have to figure out what the best solution is. Through it all God has really shown His faithfulness and His goodness, and given me and Cassie the ability to deal with everything that has come our way, of course with the help of our wonderful leadership back at the base as well! So in the midst of challenge, God's love shines through and his faithfulness becomes more and more evident!

With one week left, I know God still wants to do so many incredible things and I can't wait to see what all that will look like!


 teachergonecrafty.blogspot.com
tonguethaiedteacher.wordpress.com
http://imagecache.artistrising.com/artwork/lrg//3/365/UXI8000A.jpg
picture of aubon by Ruthie Adams

Sawasdee ka!

Hey from Thailand! Our whole team made it hear safely and with all our luggage on the third! So we've been here for 10 days, it's been a very full and kind of crazy first week, taking in a lot of information, culture, and jumping into our new ministries!

My home for the first half of the outreach, until the end of January is Bangkok, Thailand.

The busy road right near where I'm staying

While we are here in Bangkok, we will be focusing on the ladyboys working in the red light district! A ladyboy is a male to female transgendered person, so these ladyboys dress and act as women, many of them you wouldn't even know are actually men. There are many non profits working in the red light district that focus on the women, but very few working with the ladyboys. So we are partnering with a lady named Celeste whose focus is on the ladyboys and helping to provide them with other options besides prostitution.

At this point in the outreach I have had a couple opportunities to go into ladyboy bars in different red light districts in Bangkok. Everything about it is so foreign to me, and at first is quite intimidating, but once I got into conversation with a couple of the ladyboys, I realized that they're just like the rest of us. Conversation doesn't have to be different, it's just building relationship, finding out what they want to do with their lives, what they go to school for, the same conversations you would have with anyone you have just met. We all have our different problems that we face, theirs look different than mine do, but for me I see such a big importance in really seeing the person behind it all!

Celeste has been working with the ladyboys for a few years and you can see the impact it is making. When we go into the bars and mention her name, the ladyboys instantly change how they're acting to us, they see us as a safe place because of the relationship that she has formed with them. They all get excited to see her and it is so obviously how much they appreciate the love and time she puts into them.

She has a cafe that provides jobs for the ladyboys who choose to leave prostitution, besides just providing a job she also provides English teaching, and art lessons. A few have already left prostitution, through her ministry which is so great!

So aside from working with ladyboys, we are also helping with a church ministry who is teaching English in a low income neighborhood who normally wouldn't have this opportunity. The boys on our team are not able to go into the bars with us, so this is their main ministry. We go and help out tuesday through saturday for a few hours! We work with kids in elementary and high school, they are such a fun group of kids, and I look forward to working more with them!

So those are our ministries we're working with, but totally aside from all ministry, let's talk Thailand!
It's beautiful, and different yet similar, obviously there's different language and different food. There is also a major western influence here in Bangkok which means we see a lot of familiar, which I think has softened the culture shock!

Ronald McDonald, obviously a familiar face, but in Thailand he is "wai-ing" which is a greeting!
Same same but different!

There is definitely a different spiritual atmosphere than anything I've experienced before, many new "symbols" it's an extremely buddhist nation, so you'll see buddhist monks out, there's also large spirit houses (shown below), on the side of the road, in the front of the red light districts, outside of shops, inside of shops, they seem to be everywhere and I don't yet totally have a grasp of what it's really for.

Spirit house

Buddhism is nothing like the high intensity spiritual atmosphere of India, but also nothing like the churches in North America either! I feel like a lot of buddhism is really tradition because it is so engrained in Thai culture and Thai families! I am curious to learn more about Buddhism because there is so much that I have no idea about! So as we go on living here in Thailand that's definitely something I want to educate myself on, and also how you reach out to Buddhists because it is so wrapped up in everything in Thailand!

As we go along, I can't wait to see and experience more of Thai culture and see God continue to move!

Thanks for all of your prayers and support!


*these aren't my pictures I got them off different sites:
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http://www.google.com/imgres?q=Thailand+spirit+house&um=1&hl=en&client=safari&tbo=d&rls=en&biw=1278&bih=621&tbm=isch&tbnid=bI3863ZMrxdIPM:&imgrefurl=http://pattayapete.wordpress.com/tag/thai-spirit-house/&docid=pGL_Y9A1W5jRrM&imgurl=http://pattayapete.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/bangkok_hotel-spirit-house.jpg&w=800&h=600&ei=bd7yUOiqJcXtkgXWx4HgDw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=12&vpy=135&dur=319&hovh=139&hovw=178&tx=85&ty=85&sig=114962600125162742894&page=1&tbnh=139&tbnw=178&start=0&ndsp=23&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0,i:81
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Marked

So our fall DTS began on September 23, our house is full once again! We have 13 new students at the base, ready to be MARKED by Christ! Before the students ever got here, we asked God what the theme for their DTS should be, and we felt it should be "Marked", with a question of what are you marked by, love or selfishness, faith or fear, victory or defeat? Our goal is ultimately to be marked by Jesus, that He would shine through all that we do!

We're coming to the close of our 4th week and I am amazed at all that has happened so far! Our first week was a lot of orientation as well as teachings on hearing the voice of God! We've had some great speakers, Ezra came and spoke on Biblical Restoration, and with that week so much freedom was brought! As one of my small group girls said "Wow this forgiveness stuff really works!" Releasing forgiveness to people who have hurt us is incredibly freeing and also incredibly hard, but already hearts are healing and people are becoming more whole in Christ! Last week Al came and spoke to us on Atonement and the Cross, why do we believe what we believe? It was an extremely challenging week in that he was digging with us through the scriptures, getting us to really think and look at what we believe! This week Bridgette is speaking on Relationships, how to have Godly, healthy relationships, how to interact with one another! She is talking about relationships from family to friends to romantic relationships, and really bringing truth to our skewed perspectives of how relationships should be!

Like I said the lectures have been great, but it makes it so much better that the students are really willing to jump into what they're learning! Walls are being torn down all over the place and it seems like everyone is just craving a change, craving more, not settling for anything less than what God wants! The students came in already being such worshipers and servants, but there's a growing fire in our prayer times and our ministry times because the students are genuinely excited about each thing and realize the impact that can be made!

It's been real busy, but amongst the busyness, God has really been speaking to me and is continuing to shape me! Not gonna lie, sometimes it's so hard and I feel like I'm walking through fire, but I know it is going to be more than worth it! I'm really learning to lean on God and I'm finally allowing him to be my strong tower as the storm is going crazy around me. I feel like I've never had to deal with so many things at one time! Learning how to deal with losing my best friend, when literally not a day goes by that I don't think about her, still learning how to be away from my family and be supportive at the same time! Planning menus, doing one on ones, dealing with my own heart, regrets, next steps! It's so much but I have this weird feeling of chaos and peace, I don't know that I fully understand it, but I know one thing and that is God is always GOOD and He is always FAITHFUL!
Good situations or bad, God is using them all to grow me! I want to be marked by Christ and I want it to shine through in every decision I make and how I handle every situation!

Sweet Souls

Every Thursday a group of us get to visit the nursing home down the road from our house. I never imagined I would love this ministry so much, it's never been something I'd really experienced before. The first time I went to the nursing home I about cried, my Granny was really sick and I couldn't help but thinking about her the whole time. My Granny passed not too long after that and in the process of dealing with it all, I really thought about the life she lived. So often I don't think about the lives people have lived, I just see them as they are now, but hearing stories of my Granny and remembering her made me think a lot! I've been back to the nursing home many times since then, and I now see everyone there through very different eyes. I don't just see sweet old ladies or sick people, but I know they all have so many stories to tell!

I've had the opportunity to sit with some of the ladies who live there, they love to share pictures and stories. They'll show me all their children and grandchildren and my favorite part is to hear about their husbands, it's obviously their favorite part too. I haven't heard one of them say a bad thing, one lady named Miss Betty gushes about her husband, she says "he was the best, every week at church when the pastor would ask who wanted to pray he would get up there and pray for everyone, it would take half an hour but he didn't miss a soul. He was a good man." I love to hear the moments that these women really hold precious in their hearts. I feel like I know a big piece of who they are just by the few stories they share with me. I feel like every time I talk with one of them I get a better glimpse of what's really important in life, what are those memories that they hold on to.

A couple weeks ago I met a lady named Miss Kathleen, I met her the day before her 90th birthday. She might have had 90 years behind her, but you would never know it, she was so young at heart! We walked into her room and she was looking through a photo book her family had her, she showed me all of her family, the place she used to live and all of her dogs! While we were talking a nurse walked past, and Miss Kathleen tells me her goal is to make that girl smile! She said everyone has a smile in them and she just wants to help it come out! I have literally known her for less than a month, but I think about the things she tells me and the way she lives her life a lot! She's not wrapped up in herself, she's always trying to bless someone else, to bring joy to them! I can just tell she's lived a very full life, and I really look up to her for it! 

Miss Kathleen and me.

All that to say,  I leave the nursing home each week feeling so joyful and ready to come back again! I feel so blessed to be a part of the lives of these women, and the Lord is constantly teaching me something new through each of these sweet souls!

India Outreach January-March 2011

Here is a glimpse of the most impactful moments of my DTS outreach in 2011. This was over a year ago and the Lord has done so much since, but this outreach was a huge part of why I am working in missions. It was also just the beginning of the adventure God has taken me on of finding who He really is and who I am in Him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryJykqUJR-E&feature=channel&list=UL&noredirect=1